Positive Ideas for Discipline and Managing Children's Behaviour

The purpose of discipline is to encourage rather than forcing children to do what is right....

1. Establish firm and clear rules

Rules should tell children what to do rather than what not to do.

Do you know that even us, adults, DO NOT 'recognise' the word "don't"?

Try this experiment...

Find anyone whom you consider an adult. Let the person sit down, close his/her eyes. Now you tell the person, "Don't think.. never think... must not think... cannot think...DO NOT even try to imagine........................a Tiger."

Guess what pops right out of the person's mind? A tiger! Somehow, human brains focus on the subject, the topic, the action....

So when you tell your child .... "Don't run!", he/she hears "run!"

Try to say ... "Stop! Walk."

And when you tell your child.... "Don't hit your brother!", he/she hears "hit your brother!"

Try to say...."Stop, put your hands down. Ask your brother for the toy."

This has been working for me for as long as I remember...just avoid "Don't, never, can't, mustn't". Give the direction to do what is right, not instruct to not do what is wrong.

When you tell the child, "Stop!" doing what is inappropriate, you need to "replace" the inappropriate action with the correct behaviour.

Don't just say..."switch off the Television, right now!" without giving another action to replace this.

Try to say..."Switch off the Television, right now, let go to the kitchen, I need your help to get dinner ready"

In this way, the child knows what to stop doing and what to do next. He needs direction, especially for kids below 5 years old, in order to give you his cooperation.

Children need limits to their behaviour to learn what is expected of them and how they should act.

They may be unhappy and confused if they do not understand what is expected of them or when they see the rules as being unfair.

Rules should be fair, easy to understand and be backed up with consequences if they are broken.

Disciplining gets easy as the child gets older. He is more aware of the consequences of any misbehaviour if you have been consistent in your responses to his undelightful action.

This means being predictable so children will know what to expect when they behave in certain ways. It is of little use to laugh at their behaviour one day and then discipline them for the same behaviour several days later.

Confusion leads to incooperation, hence leads to frustration. So stick to the rules which you and your spouse have agreed on. It may be a little hearbreaking to see the cute little eyes turned red, but its a long term prevention for future more serious misbehaviour.

Remember, disciplinary measures need not be violent or physical when you understand why your child misbehave.

Report taken from World Health Organisation

Feeling Crabby Tonight

Its just one of those moments again....Allan and I just feel like eating Chili Crab...and so we did for our dinner for tonight. We are both down with sore throat, he lost his voice, but who cares, when the craving comes, it always win! *wink*

The kids enjoyed every moment, from buying the live crabs from the market to killing them to cooking them....full of "eeee...", "waaa..", "aiya..." and of cos' my 4 year old boy with all his "why" questions...

Managing Misbehaviour in Children

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.~ David Bly

As children develop and learn to communicate with family and friends, it is important for parents to teach the children how to behave in an acceptable way.

Children seek guidelines from their parents about what is acceptable and what is not, and usually imitate their behaviour.

Most parents experience problems of disobedience as their children learn to be independent and may begin to resist them.

Although this is a normal part of child development, dealing with these situations can be very challenging for many parents.

Even though children misbehave at times, they still want and need their parents’ love and approval to develop as happy, confident and responsible children.

So, it is important to show children that they are still loved and valued but that some of their behaviours are not.

Children almost always seek their parents’ acceptance in the things they do. There are ways that parents can help their children deal with the disappointments and frustrations they feel when they do not get what they want and there are techniques that parents can use to encourage children to behave in positive ways.

Find out over the week as I share 6 proven ways to manage your child’s misbehaviour

Share a Concept

Share a concept from what I learn from the years helping out in the Child Care Centre:

T.R.I.P. represents :

T - Talking
When your child does something wrong, talk to him calmly about the rule he has broken. Ask him to tell you the correct behaviour expected. Let him know your expectations. Next, tell him the consequences of his misbehaviour.

R - Rewarding
Rewarding can take the form of praising, noting positive behaviour and occasional treat of gift. In this way, good behaviour is reinforced. However, do not let your child assume that he should be materially rewarded for his good behaviour.

I - Isolating
Isolating is when you put the child away for a brief period of time until he agrees to behave but this should not be for too long. It will also give you time to regain control of the situation. Some ways of isolation are standing in a corner and staying alone in a room. Reconciliation should follow to reassure the child.

P - Penalising
There are two main forms of penalties:

1) Deprivation - refers to withdrawal of privileges eg. no watching of cartoons.

2) Impose Responsibilities - especially for older children; they can be made to clean up the mess they created or be given extra chores…(then mummy can rest..*wink*)

Considerations in Disciplining Children

How in the world would the child know how to behave, if he was never taught. ~ F.W.L.

I was in the retail line selling handmade accessories for about 6 years. I was always moving around from one pushcart, some of you may know it better as trolley carts, to another all the time.

As usual I was at my stall rearranging my display...suddenly a small hand pop up beside me, snatched a charm bracelet and started playing with it. He was happily swinging it in the air as if he was a cowboy. Oooops! He lost grip, the bracelet flew and hit a passerby.

The mummy was right beside me, busy choosing earrings for herself. She saw her son's action from beginning till the end and all she did was kept chanting, "Ah boy, stop playing with auntie's (refering to me) things", over and over again.

The mummy's reaction towards the son's behaviour was really unbelievable! When my bracelet hit the man, who happened to be his unlucky day, the mummy didn't even say sorry! She just said plainly, "See.... You hit someone already... go pick up the bracelet and bring it back..."

I was in total shock! In my mind, I was thinking, how could you be soooooo oblivious to this type of behaviour! Its simply untolerable!

By the way, the boy did not pick it up, he just ran to look for his dad, who was busy talking to someone else. I went over to pick up my 'abused' bracelet from the floor. The beads broke.

Guess what? Find the answer here

Disciplining Your Child

It is normal for children to misbehave at times. Witnessed this in Great World City, a shopping centre in Singapore on a typical weekend...

Great World City is generally a "quiet" shopping mall... the silence was broken abruptly when I heard a boy screaming at the top of his lungs, way before he appeared infront of me.

He was screaming sooooo loudly that I could hardly hear anything except "I WANT THAT....."

When he came in sight, he slammed himself on the floor! Rolling and "swimming" on the floor with his hands and legs moving in an uncoordinated manner; as he kept his eyes on his mummy as she walks away from him.

The boy looked 4-5 years old. The dad and grandmother was right behind him.

The mum made her stand by saying "NO! I am not getting that for you!"

The dad was too concern with his pride, said "Carry him up, he is making a scene here, everyone is looking at us!"

The grandmother tried to coax the child and scold her daughter-in-law at almost at the same time, its actually quite comical to see how fast her tone changed from a pampering tone (to the boy) and then to a blaming tone (to the child's mum) and then back again to the nice and sweet granny.... "Aiya....Just give him what he wants, don't let him cry like that...."

After about 10mins of "show", the father couldn't stand the eyes of the onlookers, grabbed the child, lift him up, placed him over his wide shoulders and walked off towards the direction of the mummy, who is long gone out of sight. Awww....

We can see 3 different views of handling a child misbehaving in public.... if you were in such a situation? Your child is making a hell of noise, everyone is looking at you, your spouse and your in-law are shouting at you.... what would you have done? ....Find out

My 1st child, KeatKeat is 4 years old today.

How time flies....still remember when he was tiny and small

And now, he can do soooo many things be himself....over just 4 years, now he canbrush his teeth, wear his shoes, dress himself, bathe himself, open the lock, switch on the tv, have a mind of his own, draw cartoons, communicate so clearly with family and strangers....
its amazing...

Wanna take this opportunity to wish all children in the universe born on the 2nd of November....

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to yoooouuu..... Happy Birthday to you...." *clap, clap, clap*

Think! Before you React to Your Child’s misbehaviour

Based on a true story.

A Father just bought a brand new car, drove into his garage, get out and look at it from every angle. He saved for a very long time… to own a car. He put his hands on the top of the bright red vehicle, slowly sliding his palm across. His face was glowing with excitement and satisfaction.

Just as he was still admiring his new love, his little boy came over, tapped on his trousers and called “Papa”. The father looked down at his son, lifted him up, swings him around, hugged him and said: “Look, son, we finally have a car, shall we go for a drive?”

“Let me inform your mummy first”, said the father. He placed his son down and instructed that the boy wait for him there with the car.

After awhile, as the happy man and his wife was heading back towards his car, he could hear a very distinct sound coming from the garage…’dong’ ‘dong’ ‘dong’. He ran over to make sure that his son was not hurt in anyway.

To his disbelieve, his child was holding a small hammer, pretending to be a mechanic, hammering away as he was going around the car! There were dents all over the automobile. He could not believe his eyes. As he sees the child continues, his shock turned to anger...... Find out his reaction here