Definitions with a Twist

School:

A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life

so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:

A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father:

A banker provided by nature

Criminal:

A person no different from the rest

....except that he/she got caught

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and

your Confidence after

DOCTOR:

A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise